What a day it has been! I was so looking forward to Thursday, because my daughter had her class Easter Egg Hunt and was getting released early since tomorrow is Good Friday, and they are out of school. What started out as a day that I was looking forward to, quickly turned into a disaster on so many levels. Here's the synopsis from my
Facebook Page and a post I made on a friend's status that was having pump issues today {who also happens to have Type 1 Diabetes - she was my little sister in high school!}:
" . . Oh yeah, the pump. Don't even get me started on that issue. Or the issue of late night/early AM low BG's. Or the issue of lows during the day that just knock the wind out of you. Or the rebounding high's that just add to the crappy, icky feeling that you already have after two low's in an 8-hour period! And add to that the emotional stress of dealing with a teenage step-daughter who has serious *Mommy* issues and takes everything out on me, because I'm the bad guy now, since I've been the one here for her for 10 years and raised her, and treated her as my own. And went to every field day, field trip, class party, school play and read books at night to her, and did homework and projects with her and carted her around to activities and friends' houses, and parties, etc., etc., etc. But now I'm the issue. The bad guy. The one who is hated. I'm the one that caused all of this emotional BS in her life. Why? Oh, yeah, because I loved her. Yeah, all of these issues are driving me to want to drink. Want to join me?"
Now, I am NOT a big drinker. Seriously. I might have one drink a month, if that. But today, I was an emotional basket case. Seriously, if owned one of those cool little Frozen Drink Maker Blender things, I would have made an entire pitcher and downed them all by myself. Not so good for the glucose levels, I know. Not so good for the emotional well-being, either. I know. But somedays - especially on days like today, and after weeks, and months like I have been having with all of this chaos and stress - a hot bubble bath and a glass of wine just don't seem to cut it {or the couple of Xanax added in for good measure.}
Oh, yes, I know, everyone has their issues. Their family problems. Their own chaos. And that, that I can deal with. It's what it does to my body that I
can't deal with. The constant stress and turmoil just wreak havoc on my blood sugars. And I know it makes my blood pressure totally out-of-control. It's like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to keep everything "normal" and under control, these little {and I say that VERY sarcastically} outbursts totally mess up my system and it literally takes days to get things back into a good range. Normal. Again. Just in time for another {facetiously speaking here} little outburst. It's just a vicious circle that never seems to end. A roller coaster ride that just keeps on going. And honestly, I not a big fan of roller coasters - or this emotional trip I've been on lately.
Oh, yeah, and did I mention that my parents are coming into town for a few days, since it's Easter weekend? Yeah, didn't think I had. Needless to say, I accomplished nothing on my To-Do list this afternoon because of the BS drama. Seriously, I should have just been in a catatonic state. Maybe then someone would realize the toll that all of this crap takes on me. It not only emotionally drains me, and keeps me from doing the things that I want to do with my children and my husband, but it literally takes every ounce of energy away that I have. Physically drained. And it takes, sometimes, days to get it back. And please don't say "Oh exercise will help." or "Eat this or that, it'll boost your energy/metabolism/whatever" - because I've been there, done that, and no - it doesn't.
Yep, so that's my rant for today. Hopefully the week. We'll see. I really need to start a support group for 20, 30, 40-something Type 1 diabetics - women, mothers, wives - who deal with the same daily day-to-day crap. Everything out there is for older people, or parents of children who have diabetes, or Type 2 - and don't EVEN get me started on that situation. That's a whole bucket of ranting that I will save for another day.
Sorry if you read this far, and this brought you done, but it's something that I had to get off of my chest and I do feel a smidgen better now. So if you read all the way to here - thank you! I mean that sincerely. For over 30 years I have wanted to rant and complain and quite frankly, bitch about this stupid disease and I just have never done it. Until today.
I hope you all have a great Easter weekend with your friends, family, loved ones!