crazy*little*words

oh happy day ...

Oh, be still my heart ... I absolutely fell head-over-heals in love with these shabby chic tea party cookies a while back when I was reading a post by Allyson Jane, {a wonderfully talented baker of sweet confections!} I just HAD to know where to find the deco she used on the cookies, and she ever so politely sent me the info for Dez at Papercandee . Long story short, I have been waiting for her to release her Oh, so Shabby Chic Tea Party line of party goodies. Today, I went lurking over to her blog and there they were, in their full glory!!!

... click each image for a larger view ...

What a lovely First Birthday Party!!

FYI - Allyson Jane and Papercandee Designs are also on Facebook!! Be sure to LIKE their pages!!

I am really thinking Emma will be having a Tea Party-themed birthday party this year!

*All photos posted are copyrighted to the artist whose name appears watermarked on the photo. Please visit the blog links above to find out more information about each of the artists. Thanks! SMJ*

recipe Wednesday ...

My dear friend Teresa, who I've known since Scott and I were married, has been emailing me and messaging me on FB, asking for a recipe that my mom had given her years ago on a trip to New Orleans.  It was this totally yummy chicken, pasta, and cheese "casserole."  Today, I finally checked that task off of my "to do" list and thought I would share it with you, too!  It's actually quite simple and it makes A LOT of food ... you could definitely divide it into separate casserole dishes, have one for tonight, and freeze the other to have on one of those crazy, busy nights when you have no idea of what to cook!  So, without further adieu, here's the recipe {sorry I don't have pictures to share!!}

Chicken Rotel Pasta

5 to 7 lbs chicken leg quarters
20 oz Velveeta Cheese
1 lb spaghetti noodles
1 10 oz can of diced Rotel {original}
1 10 3/4 oz can Cream of Chicken
1 large onion, chopped
5 stalks celery, chopped

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Saute onion and celery.  Boil chicken and noodles {separately}.  Cut cheese into cubes, and combine with Rotel tomatoes in a microwave bowl.  Microwave mixture, stirring frequently, until cheese has melted

In a large casserole dish, combine de-boned chicken, noodles, sauteed onions and celery, Cream of Chicken soup, and Rotel cheese mixture.  Mix and cover; bake about 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

 

Credit for this recipe goes to my cousin's wife.  I hope you all love it as much as our family does!!

and I still love roller coasters after all ...

For those of you who follow my much neglected blog, that I cannot seem to part with, you know that my life is a series of roller coaster rides - highs and lows - with lots and lots of loopty loops {at least that's what I call them!} The past few months have been no exception, although while some things finally seemed to explode and then settle down, leaving me in a much better state emotionally - and because of that, physically - there were others that seemed to just continuously keep going from bad, to worse, to catastrophic.

Now, I feel I am in a much better place. Other than dealing with the sick bugs, and work, and a house that seems to be in an utter state of chaos and mess - things seem grounded finally. I hope it will stay this way for a bit. Maybe God feels like my shoulders need a break for a bit - I couldn't agree more! Read on for some details of the Crazy Chaotic Life of Me ...

I was up looking around the Willow House website, noticed the link for philanthropies that it supports, and clicked on it … in a word - chills. I had no idea that Willow House was a supporter of JDRF. My family has been supporting JDRF since I was four or five years old. I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of two, and my parents helped to charter and build the New Orleans chapter of JDF in the early 1980’s. You can imagine my surprise when I saw the big JDRF logo on the Willow House site! Being a new consultant, and having NO idea that WH supported this charity almost brought me to tears.

This disease has been a blessing and curse … no, it wasn’t a diagnosis of cancer, or another potentially terminal illness. It was, however, a lifelong “career” if you will, that I did not choose, interview for, or accept whole-heartedly; but it was one that I have had to manage every single day, even when I hated it, when I wanted to just play “dumb” and pretend that I didn’t have it, and every other day in between. Some of those days are quite cumbersome and draining – because it hasn’t been my only job.

I have two small children, two older stepdaughters that are 18 and 20 – one lives with my husband and me, the other with her mom – and a husband who, after 24 years of Active Duty service in the Air Force, retired two years ago. Before that there were deployments, TDY’s, separations, etc. It was the life I chose, and would choose again, but it wasn’t easy. I was left, in the beginning, having to be both mom and dad to two little girls who barely knew their biological mother, depended on their father for everything, and this new person steps in – bright eyed and ready - to be “mom,” cook, teacher, caregiver, chauffeur, supporting, loving military spouse, etc. You got the idea. Oh, and then a single parent AND step-parent on top of all of that.

But, those still were not my primary jobs … managing ME was, or should have been, even though most of the time it wasn’t. Everything else in our lives always came first. Did I mention that we moved to Texas after living in Florida for almost nine years {all of our marriage, until August 2009?} He took a contract job here at Sheppard, only to get an incredible offer with another company a year and a half later, that also does military contract work – overseas. The deployments don’t necessarily end when they retire …

Recently, I realized that given the dynamics of my life, and the fact that I do not live close to most of my family and friends, a “normal” job will probably never be in my future again. Between sick children, children with psychological problems stemming from the lack of a relationship with their biological mother, a spouse whose job takes him away from home – and really, even if he was here, he would be working - and any other calamity, illness, virus, death, etc. that happens in my life, affects my primary “career” – the one I did not choose. It effects my diabetes. When I get sick, I get sick – I don’t just “suck it up” and keep going. I physically cannot. I do not recuperate like a “normal” person. I have to deal with the ramifications of having high blood glucose levels for days - caused by whatever illness, virus, infection, etcetera - that attacks my immune system, the large/high levels of toxic ketones that my body spills into my bloodstream, medications that also raise those levels, and all of the other “fun” stuff that goes along with getting sick as a diabetic.

So strep throat is not just a round of antibiotics and ibuprofen, and two days I’m better. It takes days, a week even, to recoup from strep.

A stomach virus, or the stomach flu, that’s a big welcome ticket to the ER, filled with numerous attempts at starting an IV on someone who is already so dehydrated that they’re basically just using me as a pin cushion. Central lines are fun, and those are all too familiar. The stomach flu takes me out for well over a week, if I am lucky.

Then there is stress. We all have it in our lives. It’s a normal part of life. Money is tight with a recession. Jobs aren’t quite what you thought they were. People move into and out of our lives – especially as a military family. Family members get sick. Some even pass away. They may not be your “biological” grandparent, but he was someone who you only knew as your grandfather, because yours died before you were ever born.

At the age of 92 ½, the greatest man I’ve ever known finally went to heaven to be with his creator – and his first true love, who he was married to for fifty-four years. She was my great-aunt, which made him my great-uncle. Annabelle and Archie … and theirs was a love that lasted through sickness – she also had Type 1 diabetes, since her early twenties … and in health – she lived to be seventy-seven, I believe. A lifetime. He was devoted to her, cared for her … her deteriorating eyesight was the only main side-effect of her diabetes until she was much older. They met at a dance, during the age of the Greatest Generation – she was a tall, slender, spitfire of a lady, and he had the most amazing blue eyes you have ever seen. They danced, and traveled in their early years together. But as they grew older, she wasn’t as mobile as she had been when she was younger – but it didn’t stop him from caring for her any less. He stood by her side, every day of her life, until she died. I truly believe that a part of him died that day also. His one love was gone. He knew she was better off … no more shots, no more finger sticks, no more dialysis. She was “normal” again, and one day they would dance again. Together.

I am aware that this story seems to be digressing, but I am on track … I promise!

One day, out of the blue – sort of, but we all kind of knew – Uncle Archie told us that he had met someone. A lady friend. Someone to talk with, have lunch with, share life stories with. Her name was Margaret, but he called her Maggie. That day the spark appeared back into those stunning blue eyes. She was a widow, married for over forty years to her true love, Bud. He also had lost his sight, and she cared for him the same way Uncle Archie cared for Aunt Annie. The funny thing was, they all knew each other. They belonged to the same social clubs when they were younger – and a bit older. Many hands of cards were played, sets of bowling pins knocked over through the years, and in the end these two loving, caring, heartbroken souls found each other – and made a life together. For over fifteen years, Archie and Maggie travelled the world – cruises to Europe and the Mediterranean, paddleboat cruises up the Mighty Mississippi, and everything in between. The went dancing every week – to the sound of the Big Band classics of the 1930’s and 40’s. Oh, and they had their fair share of martinis, too. Gin martinis. On the rocks. One with water, one with soda. A peel of lemon – never shaken. He lived large … doing all of the things that he had hoped to do with Annabelle in their golden years. He saw the National D-Day Museum open – he was a charter member. He was veteran of WWII. He was a proud, strong, loyal, honest, caring, loving man who was loved by many. He was around when my babies were born, after being scared to death that something would happen to me in the process, because of my diabetes {it was why he and Annabelle chose not to have children.} But I beat the odds – which really are much better today than they were back when they were young – and had two healthy, full-term babies without too many complications on my side.

So, the stress of this man, my grandfather, dying and not being able to do anything about it, to not be able to go home and see him one last time and say “I love you” and “Goodbye” breaks my heart every time I think about it, and completely wore me down. It drained me. Emotionally. Physically. The fact that it was at Christmas, and I was working a retail job that was supposed to be fun and part-time, even at Christmas, and knowing that I could not go home for a day, because all of my time had been used up dealing with strep, and stomach flus, and sick children – physically and emotionally - completely wore me out. And Christmas came and went, it was possibly the worst Christmas of my life, because my parents could not be here with us – Uncle Archie was a father to my father, because his father died when he was barely twenty. He was a mentor to Dad, someone he respected and looked up to. A role model that any young man would be proud to have in his life. On January 22nd, my mom called me – at work – to tell me that he had passed away earlier that morning. The only thing I could think about was “how am I going to get the time off to go to the funeral?” I was stuck. And broken. Worried about a job that certainly did not worry for me. After working out some arrangements to have some cover a shift for me, only to have another not covered because I was the ONLY person that was available to work on that particular day, at that certain time.

I flew to New Orleans anyway, for the funeral of my grandfather – who really was not my grandfather according to the company – to say goodbye to my hero. As I knelt by his side, in the flag draped casket, he looked so at peace. Happy almost. Very dapper in his navy blue suit with his American Flag pin on his lapel. A flag that he defended and honored, all of his days. Happy, because he was probably dancing with Annabelle up in Heaven – unless, of course, she was playing hard to get.

The next two days were good … being home with my family, which I had not seen since October – that was a long time for us – was a much needed break from my reality. I was able to see my new little cousin, Amelia, who was born in June and is the little sister to my God-daughter, Ella Annabelle; and my adoptive niece Julia, born in July, who is the most precious baby daughter of my best guy friend {since the age of two} and his wife. I love them both! The only problem was that my babies were back home in Texas with another strain of the stomach flu. In good hands, and hopefully getting rid of it before I got home, I knew they were okay.

I flew back to Texas on Thursday, only to wake up to a ferocious onset of the above mentioned stomach flu – one that landed me not once, but twice ER with blood sugar levels over 300, large ketones, not able to keep anything in my digestive system. Two bags of fluids, anti-nausea meds, and strict orders for bed rest and a liquid diet for 72 hours were the only way I was leaving the hospital without being admitted. So much for any more time off of work – I had exhausted every second, minute, and hour that I had to use. I did call in, to let them know what was going on, and that when I was better, I would be back, and would put in my two-week notice.

Apparently having a chronic condition that lands a person in the ER for two days in a row, and doctors’ written orders to be on bed rest only constitute “not feeling well” and that my resignation had been accepted. I’m still not quite sure how that was possible when I technically had not given it in writing. The best part … since I missed more than my allotted unpaid time off, not only was I leaving so that they could find someone a bit more dependable {that truly pains me to say that, since I like to think that I am, and have always been, a dependable person} but now I was also considered not re-hirable with the company. Ever. Again. For any position, even a seasonal one. So, a job that I loved and looked forward to every day since I was hired {and I felt lucky to actually get hired} had turned into a nightmare. I do understand corporate America, the need for rules and guidelines because there is always someone, somewhere who takes advantage of situations. I did not think I was doing that. I was truly ill. It was one of those years where every illness that went around hit me, and my children. None of us have ever been sick, so much, in such a short amount of time. And usually there are exceptions to a rule, in a dire circumstance. I guess not this time.

Yes, there was a point to this long, drawn out babble … I am so happy to know that I am part of a company that supports a cause so very close to me personally, and I cannot wait to get started! And I am so very thankful to be able to work on my own terms, my own hours, and not have to worry and stress if one of my children, or myself, get sick. I feel like I can finally put me first and everything else will fall into place as it should. This past year, my faith was tested, and was renewed on a few select occasions, and I believe that God put this opportunity in front of me at just the right time. He always has a plan, and a path, you just never know where it will lead!

So, help me as I start this new adventure with a wonderful company that supports two truly amazing charities very close to my heart!

Sara Johnson Design Consultant Email:   saramcj@gmail.com Website:   saramcj.willowhouse.com Phone:   940.228.7535 Mobile:   850.758.1105

just have to brag for a moment ...

I just have to brag a bit and say that I finally got my much awaited, highly anticipated Christmas present from my parents tonight ... a nookcolor ... and I am SO flippin' excited!!!  I know those of you who have iPads could give a flip, but I think it's the coolest thing ever - well, that and my iPhone!!  I'm so excited to load it up with the list of books that I have waiting for me at home that I have put off buying until I received this ... yay to happy reading!!!  Here's some pics {from BN.com} -

 
the nook color

 

 

the nookcolor Dessin case in Bright Pink - love it!!

So, now I am just waiting on my case to get to my house ... hopefully by the end of the week ... if we aren't snowed in!!

a Thanksgiving wish ...

Today, I am thankful for my amazing family ... through the good times, and the not-so-good ones, you will always be my greatest accomplishment.  I am thankful that my sweet, little girl survived what could have been the most catastrophic day of our lives - and for our Father, God, who sent an angel to soften her fall.  I am thankful for my husband, who is my rock, who is always there to lean on and laugh with, who loves me for who I am - despite my flaws.  For my parents, who raised me to be the person that I am today - independent, strong, confident - and for always believing in me, even when I don't believe in myself.  I am thankful for the United States Armed Forces, who spend every single day of their lives defending this wonderful nation, without regard to their personal feelings, hopes, dreams, wishes, etc.  Thank you for putting our country, my family and every other American family and citizen ahead of your own families - and their wants and needs, and your own - so that we ALL may be safe, and can celebrate Thanksgiving the way that our founding fathers anticipated.  Most of all, I am thankful for my life - my health, my family, my job, my friends, and my faith - and everything in it that truly makes it a blessing to be alive. 

Here's hoping that you and your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day, spent with family, friends, and those you are closest to.  I know for our family, it wasn't the most traditional of Thanksgiving Days, but at the end of the day, I am thankful that I was able to share it with the ones that I love - near or far ... and I am thankful for my faith, because if it wasn't for faith in God, I certainly would not have made it through the past few years to a much better happier place.

 

In Better Hands - Natalie Grant

thank you, Reinhold Niebuhr ...

for composing these thoughts into tangible words ... because it is all that I have left to say.

God, grant me the...
Serenity to accept things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Patience for the things that take time,
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles.
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways,
the Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other,
and the Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

geez ...

I can't believe that it has been SIX months since I last blogged ... I'm seriously going to have to do better than that!!  So many things have happened in the ppast few months, and SO many changes have been made in our lives that I find it hard to believe that I haven't written them down ... that probably means that I need to reprioritize things in my life ... or at least be a better planner and scheduler!

Anyway ... here's a brief rundown of the happenings over the past few months ...

• I think I posted about E's little "accident" - she's doing fine, no permanent injuries, thank God.
• We got to spend two weeks visiting family and friends over the summer, in NOLA and Destin ... the kids had a blast going to beach and being with their "Florida" friends {I did, too!}
• Three of my very dear friends, and my sweet cousin, all gave birth to beautiful, healthy baby girls this summer ... and it's killing me because I haven't been able to see ANY of them!!
• My oldest finally graduated from HS and is now officially in college!  She is attending a Cosmetology program and is doing REALLY well - I'm so proud!
• This girl, yes, me, went back to work - part-time - and I LOVE it!!  The company is wonderful and my co-workers are all amazing.  I can honestly say that I love my job!
• Both of my babies are in school now, full-time ... that makes me a little sad since I don't have any babies at home anymore ... but I love to see them learn, and the spark in their eyes when they've learned something new is just overwhelming.
• After a year of retirement {okay, a little more than a year} my hubby turned in his two-week notice at his "normal" job and is now training for one that will take him "over there" just like the Air Force did ... I guess you can take the man out of the Air Force, but you can't take the Air Force out of the man!
• My sweetie and I celebrated our much anticipated Ten Year Anniversary last month ... I cannot believe how fast the time has flown, and then again, somedays it seems like we've been together forever.  I know it's crazy, but I love him just as much, and so much more, than I did when we first met, and got married.  Here's to 30 more years {or more} being married to the best guy a girl could ever ask for!!
• There's only 11 more days until Thanksgiving, and 41 until Christmas - that's CRAZY!!!!
• And finallly ... I will leave you with some photos that were taken over the past few months - some from our trip to NOLA and Florida, some from our little getaway to Oklahoma, and of course, some random ones just because!!

I hope you are all doing well, and I promise to TRY to stay on top of this bloggity blog, even if it is just once a week or so!!!

 
Dinner out with my best friends in Florida ... I miss my girls!!

 

 
A day at the beach with my two little cuties!

 

 
Best friends after a day at the beach

 

 
An American Bison in the Wichita Mountains National Wildlife Refuge - so majestic.

 

 
view from the top of Mt. Scott

 

 

 
Two of my loves ...

 

 
Daddy's Girl

 

 
Fearless

 

 
A family photo on top of Mt. Scott

 

 
Texas Longhorn and American Bison

 

 
Isn't he amazing?

 

 

 

 
The First of School 2010-2011

 

 
Ten Years!!

 

 
the quaint little town of Medicine Park

 

 
10 Blissful Years ... and we're still smiling!!

 

 
Halloween 2010

 

 
The Ladybug and The Vampire

 

 
and finally ... moi ... with a new color and cut ...

 

I hope this post finds you all happy and healthy, and enjoying your autumn ... it's finally feeling a bit like fall here, and that really makes me happy!  Have a happy day and I'll see you soon!  XoXo

a day in the freakin' life ...

So, I know that I posted a while back about some of the crazy, drama-filled, emotional issues that have plagued our family over the past few years.  Somehow, it continues to follow me and rear its ugly head just when things couldn't be any worse.  Here's a message that I recently sent to some of my friends and family on Facebook that have been privy to the drama and circumstances surrounding them over the past 10+ years ...

 

*I know everyone has been sending messages, texts, comments, emails, and voicemails all day, and I am sorry that I am just now getting back to you all. I also apologize for the "mass group" message, but right now this was the easiest way for to let everyone know what has been going on and still keep my sanity!!

As most of you know, Scott and I have custody of his two daughters from his first marriage. While they have always been a blessing in my life, they have not always been easy to deal with. I was fairly young when I met them {21} and they were just itty bitty - 4 and 6 - younger than Emma and Patrick are now! I was 25 when we got married, and from the day we came back from our honeymoon, life has been one, HUGE roller coaster ride - mentally, emotionally, and physically {because of the emotional stuff and my diabetes.} It started with the oldest, Jess, who was right on the verge of becoming a "double-digit-er" {10}. Then the teen years, and hormones, and all of that other stuff involved with raising a girl, as well as all of the stuff that comes with raising a girl whose mother walked out on her and her sister when they were 3 and 1. You get the picture.

Fast-forward 10 years ... Jess is now a beautiful, talented, successful young woman who is in cosmetology school and doing exceptionally well! After struggling with school, and learning disabilities, she finally graduated from High School in June {Thank God for small miracles, and my parents!!!} She is a HUGE help around here, especially now that I am working and Scott's new job is taking him away for a few months at a time. I cannot tell you how proud I am of her, and how much I truly treasure the relationship that we have today.

On to recent events ... about the same time that Jess finally "grew" out of her psychologically challenging phase, Katie entered her own. It's been almost four years now, and it still hasn't gotten any better. She started pulling her hair out when she was about 14/15 - something I had never heard of until this happened. After some Googling, I found that it is actually quite common in teenage girls as a way to relieve stress and anxiety - similar to the way that some teens and young adults "cut" themselves. We immediately got her into treatment, with both a therapist and a psychiatrist, with the hopes that it would help resolve the emotional stress she was feeling because of facing the issues with her biological mother. It didn't. It hasn't. Almost four years, two therapists, two psychiatrists, and two hospital admissions later, things are still bad. Worse. She changed from a child who wanted nothing more than to please everyone by helping out around the house, always doing well in school and doing her work, loving the time that spent with her younger sister and brother, into a young teenage girl who is utterly miserable and unhappy. So much so that it's painful to even look at her sometimes. I hardly even recognize the sweet, little, blonde-haired girl that she once was. She doesn't want to talk to anyone. Doesn't listen to authority at all. She's completely disrespectful - she seriously has no respect for other people's feelings, property, etc. She doesn't take her medication - even when I setup her pill box every week and constantly remind her to do so. She takes too much of one med, not enough of the other, steals ADHD meds from her sister, and anti-anxiety meds from me. She has shoplifted, stolen from friends, stolen from her sister, and from us. She has basically given up on school, although she is at least showing up this year. She's been in the hospital twice since Feb/March of this year, for acute care. We have tried to get referrals to a long-term treatment facility, where she can learn how to cope with her illness and the stresses that life imposes, but were told by her psychiatrist that our insurance wouldn't cover inpatient treatment/Residential Treatment, even though she desperately needs it. About two weeks ago - right before Scott left - I called TriCare {the military's family insurance, for those of you who do not know} was told that nothing has ever been submitted to them, so there is no way that they could have denied a claim when one was never submitted. Nice, huh?? After months of turmoil and agony, nothing was ever submitted?? Lovely.

Making a long story even longer, I called the hospital yesterday that we were originally referred to by her therapist, and found that they also do acute care for adolescents, and once she is ready to be discharged, they will send her to either inpatient treatment, or refer her to a long-term, residential facility. Finally. There is peace in the world, if only for a moment in our household.

She, of course, didn't want to go because she thinks she'll be there forever. But I am positive that once she settles in, and realizes that it's something that she had to do, I know she will be okay, and finally open up and talk about everything that she has bottled up inside of her head for so very long. Of course, this was not an easy decision to make. But it was a necessary one, and one that our entire family needed. Her behavior was really starting to effect Emma and Patrick - emotionally and in school - and I could not just sit and wait for someone to do something that obviously wasn't being done. Not to mention that she wasn't in the right frame of mind and could have hurt herself or someone else ... mainly herself, and as bad and horrible as that would be, I was more concerned that IF she did, Emma or Patrick would be the ones to find her like that - and that scared the hell out of me! I cannot even think about the emotional damage and destruction that type of event would cause someone, especially two innocent little ones, who truly love their sister unconditionally. It would be catastrophic. I have have had one near life and death experience this year with a child - something that still haunts me. To come so close to losing a child is utterly unbearable - I cannot begin to imagine the pain that a parent feels when they do actually have to say good-bye.

So, she's there, for now, and things here are once again quiet, normal, and will hopefully be more settled in a couple of days. Now we just have to wait and see how long she stays there, what the therapist/child psychiatrist/mental health team there thinks is going to be best for her and her future, and what happens next. I'm not quite sure the roller coaster will ever end, but I am certainly hopeful that maybe just a few of the loppty-loops can be removed, and a new one can be built.

As for me, I'm okay. I am definitely stronger this time around - and certainly much older!! I have never been one to handle stress well ... just ask my mother and anyone who was ever around me while I was getting ready for a school dance, or a piano recital, or my wedding!!! I'm not so sure it's stress that I don't deal well with, but more the anxiety aspect. Not to mention the havoc it does to me, my body, and this lovely little diabetes thing that I have to deal with every. single. day. I won't even get into that - it's much too long, and way too detailed! And you thought your life was crazy-chaotic-kooky-busy?? Ha!

Thank you all SO very much for all of the thoughts, prayers, kind words, messages, texts, etc. that you have sent today - and over the last ten years of my very interesting-never a dull moment life. It truly means the world to me to have such amazing friends and family that I know will always be there to support me, cheer me on, laugh with me, cry with me, and hold me up when I stumble {or down right fall flat on my ass!} To my lifelong friends, to those of you I have known ALMOST that long, to the ones that I have made because I married a wonderful husband who was proud to serve his country in the US Air Force, and to those of you whom I've met somewhere along this long, winding path called life - I cannot, truly, thank you enough for always standing by my side. Despite our differences in religion, politics, "mommy" styles, friends, and of course, size {'cause I was NEVER the skinny chic!!!} you have made my life wonderful. You have made my life one that I am proud to call mine. And you have loved me through it all - the good, the bad, the ugly, the PMS, the Wedding Bridezilla that I became when the limos went over on their time and needed more money {you know who you are!! LMBO!!} I thank God every single day for the people who have touched my life in such amazing ways ... some have been small, others large ... but you have all made an impression on my heart, and I just wanted to let you know that I am truly thankful. Even a FB message as long as this one is cannot begin to say how grateful I am!!

So, in conclusion, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, because I am sure the road ahead isn't going to be short - or smooth. But I know that with the love and support of such amazing women, I can handle just about anything!!!!

♥ you all!*

 

 

You know, I really don't ask for much.  I know that when things get tough, my vice is to spend money - i.e. go shopping - but even that doesn't help the daily turmoil that is my life at the moment.  And I know many you will say that I need to pray ... trust me, I cannot believe that I do not have scraps and bruises on my knees from the amount of praying that I have done, and continue to do.  Prayer has gotten me through many things in the past few years, and I am firm believer of turning it over to God.  And I am not one to really question God, or my faith, because he has been VERY good to me in the past ... there are a few specific places in my life's story that I have needed Him, and prayed that He would take of things, in His way ... and he did.  I cannot even begin to explain how thankful I am for the blessings that he has given me.  And I know that this, too, shall pass.  He will take care of things, of us, of our family ... but sometimes I just need to know how things will turn out.  Just a glimmer, or a glimpse, a little bit of insight to know that things will be okay.  I know He will take do things in His way, the best way, no matter how I may feel.  So, I'm leaving it in his hands ... to give me the strength to follow His guidance, to journey on the path that He lays out for me to take.  It's all I can do ... I'm too weak, too tired, too broken, not to follow his lead.

pardon the dust . . .

while I make a few changes around here . . . the ol' blog was starting to feel a bit stuffy and I thought I would give it a bit a facelift.  I just loved this cute little blog set - Chit Chat - from the wonderfully fabulous Shabby Miss Jenn. Totally perfect for a blog facelift, huh? So, please pardon the dust and somewhat goofy look to the bloggity blog here as I tweek some codes and add some things to make it much more user friendly {and hopefully a little simpler to navigate as I reorganize some stuff!}

As you can probably tell from the time of this post, I am a total insomniac!!  I hate those nights that I just can't get to sleep - or in may case, usually, stay asleep.  What a pain, especially with two small kiddos!

With that, I leave you with a few random pictures that were taken over the past couple of weeks.  Most of them were edited, either using PhotoShop actions from the beautiful and talented Sarah Cornish at My Four Hens Photography or Lightroom Presets from Kelsey Smith. And speaking of actions and presets - I'll be adding a new category on my sidebar just for photography fans {because I am by NO means a photog!!  wish I were!} that will have links to some very cool sites that specialize in PS Actions and LR Presets!  So be on the lookout!!

I hope y'all have a happy Tuesday {and I'm hoping I get a nap at some point!!}

momma I'm headin' home . . .

It seems like the past few times that I have visited NOLA, I haven't had the opportunity to do and see the things that I feel are important for my kids to experience in my hometown.  So, when we are there in June, I am making a list of everything that I plan to see/do/visit/experience - even if I have to pack them all into a few days!  And obviously, there will be lots of pictures - photos that I can edit, develop, and hang in our home so that my children will understand just how important the city of New Orleans is to me - to my past and to our future.

-  Hansen's Sno Bliz
-  The Zoo
-  The Aquarium
-  French Quarter and all that that entails:  St. Louis Cathedral, Cafe duMonde, Jackson Square, and on & on.
-  Uptown, the Garden District, and the Univeristy area
-  riding the street cars and seeing the River
-  of course 'llI have to visit Sucre, PJ's on Magazine, Scriptura, earthsavers, The Flying Burrito, and Central Grocery

And of course, our trip south wouldn't be complete without a much needed visit to the white, sandy beaches of the Emerald Coast!  I am so excited to be able to go back to our *home* for the last 9 of 10 years of our lives.  We'll get to visit friends, soak up some sun, enjoy some crazy good seafood, and just relax while enjoying Destin and FWB. 

So, get ready Southerners - the Johnson clan from Texas is heading home to recoup, and enjoy some of the much needed southern hospitality that's totally in our blood!!

when life gives you lemons . . .

I really don't think my life was meant to be laid back and fancy free. I mean, I never thought it would be easy, or uncomplicated, but lately it has been one big thing after another. Two weekends ago, for example. What started out as a fun trip to Houston to visit friends and enjoy some crawfish and beer, turned into the scariest, most terrifying event of my life. 

My daughter, the one who has an adventurous streak to her, but usually is quite cautious, decided that she wanted to look out of the window.  No biggie.  Even though it was in the second story bedroom, and the windows were open because it was gorgeous day still wasn't a problem.  When she proceeded to stand on top of a doll house to see even further - that became a problem.  Somewhere in the mix, she lost her balance and fell against the screen and flipped out of the window.  Then came the "THUNK!" sound.  My husband and oldest daughter went running outside to see what it was.  He heard her crying, and thought she had tripped over a swing in the yard.  She was lying in the dirt - between the gazebo and the grill - and was on her hands and knees.  When he looked around, he saw the screen next to her, looked up and saw that the window was wide open and flipped.  He carried inside and as I was checking her out and asking where the nearest hospital was, I moved her hair out of her face and saw the biggest, nastiest "bump" {that's not even close to what it looked like!} on her forehead!  I thought I might pass out, because I knew she had hit her head and hard!  After grabbing the phone, and calling 911, and trying to keep her from moving around, I went into panic mode. 

I was still in my PJ's {along with most everyone else!}  I threw on my clothes - bra, shirt, pants, shoes - and continued talking to the 911 dispatcher.  I somehow managed to do this without losing it completely. 

The paramedics arrived and of course said we shouldn't have moved her {yes, he knew this, but it was his baby girl, and I'm quite sure he wasn't thinking logically seeing her lying in the dirt - knowing she had just fallen about 20 feet out of a window.}  After asking us what seemed to be 80 billion questions, and getting her stabilized on the board and putting a neck brace on her {which she HATED!} I asked which hospital we were going to.  Of course I knew the answer - downtown, Memorial Hermann.  The BIG one.  Like, for major traumas and stuff.  NOT good.  I think I started feeling nauseous at this point. 

Every little thing that I could possibly imagine that wasn't good popped into my crazy head. 

What if she had a skull fracture? 

What if she had bleeding in her brain? 

What if her brain started swelling, and she went into a coma? 

What if she went into a coma and never woke up? 

What if . . . ? 

I just couldn't go there. 

Now, we were in Houston, which meant great medical care, but Houston is HUGE.  Like GINORMOUS.  And my husband has NO idea where to go and how to get to the Medical Center part of Houston.  I had lived in Houston and I don't think I could have gotten there without serious help.  Add to that the stress of knowing that your child was being taken via ambulance to a major trauma center with a closed head injury and, well, you get where I'm going - no clue. 

None. 

Thankfully, our friends were the biggest help!! 

I rode in the ambulance with Emma - who, by the way, was just fine.  All she was concerned with was whether or not she was going to have to get shots {which she didn't want} and if the tape that was holding her head and neck in place on the board was going to hurt when it came off {nice, huh?}  Of course, on the ride to the hospital, all she wanted to do was sleep - which freaked me out completely.  The paramedic said it was okay, since all of her vitals were perfect.  But I couldn't let her.  What if her brain was swelling and she fell asleep and wouldn't wake up again.  So, I kept her awake any way I could think of - tickling her feet, poking her, talking to her.  She didn't like me much.  I didn't care.  If she was awake, then she was fine.  Right?

When we got to the hospital was when all of the fun started.  More questions.  More medical history {don't these people read the notes that the people before them took?}  More waiting. 

Good thing - we were at one of the best trauma centers in the country.  In a Major Trauma room. 

Bad thing - we were in one of the biggest cities in the country.  In a Major Trauma room. 

Her doctor was awesome.   The nurses were awesome.  The Child Life Specialist was especially awesome.  She gave Emma her own pink DVD player, and all of the girly movies a girl could want!  Those came in very handy for our looooong wait.  Did I mention that we were in Houston?  That the hospital was where they took all of the really serious injuries - car accidents, gunshot victims, etc?  Yep.  That was us. 

It should have made feel better that we were being pushed back in the wait for the CT.  Oh, one more thing . . . the busiest trauma center in the country - they only have one, ONE, CT machine for the entire Trauma Unit.  One.  Not so good.  I think we waited at least three hours to have her CT scan.  Every time we were next in line, someone more serious came in and bumped us back.  Good for us, I guess.

So, I digress. 

Once her CT scans were done, and her x-rays were taken, the doctor came in shaking his head.  Nothing.  No brain injury.  No brain bleed.  No fractured skull.  No broken bones.  Nothing.  Nada.  Of course, it didn't mean that should could have a concussion, but she may not have symptoms for a few hours, or even a day.  All she had  was a swollen, black and blue eye, and  huge bump on her head - with a couple of scrapes.  That's it.  THAT'S IT!!!!  I don't even think I wrap my head around that.  Even now.  I cannot comprehend it.  It was truly a miracle.  Truly.  God had protected my child that day in an extraordinary way.  Her Guardian Angel had earned her wings, and used them to protect my baby from what could have been an incredibly horrific event.  I honestly have no words to describe it. 

Later that evening, when we were on our way back to our friends' house, she told me that she had been scared.  I told her that I was too.  More scared than I had ever been in my life.  I told her that she was very lucky.  That she was very blessed - we all were.  God had protected her and watched over her to make sure that had been okay.  I told her the one thing that I knew to be true - that God had known that her Mommy and Daddy needed her here with them now, more than He needed her.  I had to believe that, because there was no other explanation.  Twice He has protected her, and given her to us in perfect form.  Once on the day that she was born {another story for another day} and again on this day.  April 11, 2010.

She's my angel.  All smiles after getting home from the hospital!!  Thank God for those smiles. 

Not a moment goes by that I won't appreciate the little things that my children do.  Especially now.  Because in a moment, they could be taken from me.  And I will never forget that.

 

i am losing my mind . . .

What a day it has been! I was so looking forward to Thursday, because my daughter had her class Easter Egg Hunt and was getting released early since tomorrow is Good Friday, and they are out of school. What started out as a day that I was looking forward to, quickly turned into a disaster on so many levels. Here's the synopsis from my Facebook Page and a post I made on a friend's status that was having pump issues today {who also happens to have Type 1 Diabetes - she was my little sister in high school!}:

" . . Oh yeah, the pump. Don't even get me started on that issue. Or the issue of late night/early AM low BG's. Or the issue of lows during the day that just knock the wind out of you. Or the rebounding high's that just add to the crappy, icky feeling that you already have after two low's in an 8-hour period! And add to that the emotional stress of dealing with a teenage step-daughter who has serious *Mommy* issues and takes everything out on me, because I'm the bad guy now, since I've been the one here for her for 10 years and raised her, and treated her as my own. And went to every field day, field trip, class party, school play and read books at night to her, and did homework and projects with her and carted her around to activities and friends' houses, and parties, etc., etc., etc. But now I'm the issue. The bad guy. The one who is hated. I'm the one that caused all of this emotional BS in her life. Why? Oh, yeah, because I loved her. Yeah, all of these issues are driving me to want to drink. Want to join me?"

Now, I am NOT a big drinker. Seriously. I might have one drink a month, if that. But today, I was an emotional basket case. Seriously, if owned one of those cool little Frozen Drink Maker Blender things, I would have made an entire pitcher and downed them all by myself. Not so good for the glucose levels, I know. Not so good for the emotional well-being, either. I know. But somedays - especially on days like today, and after weeks, and months like I have been having with all of this chaos and stress - a hot bubble bath and a glass of wine just don't seem to cut it {or the couple of Xanax added in for good measure.}

Oh, yes, I know, everyone has their issues. Their family problems. Their own chaos. And that, that I can deal with. It's what it does to my body that I can't deal with. The constant stress and turmoil just wreak havoc on my blood sugars. And I know it makes my blood pressure totally out-of-control. It's like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to keep everything "normal" and under control, these little {and I say that VERY sarcastically} outbursts totally mess up my system and it literally takes days to get things back into a good range. Normal. Again. Just in time for another {facetiously speaking here} little outburst. It's just a vicious circle that never seems to end. A roller coaster ride that just keeps on going. And honestly, I not a big fan of roller coasters - or this emotional trip I've been on lately.

Oh, yeah, and did I mention that my parents are coming into town for a few days, since it's Easter weekend? Yeah, didn't think I had. Needless to say, I accomplished nothing on my To-Do list this afternoon because of the BS drama. Seriously, I should have just been in a catatonic state. Maybe then someone would realize the toll that all of this crap takes on me. It not only emotionally drains me, and keeps me from doing the things that I want to do with my children and my husband, but it literally takes every ounce of energy away that I have. Physically drained. And it takes, sometimes, days to get it back. And please don't say "Oh exercise will help." or "Eat this or that, it'll boost your energy/metabolism/whatever" - because I've been there, done that, and no - it doesn't.

Yep, so that's my rant for today. Hopefully the week. We'll see. I really need to start a support group for 20, 30, 40-something Type 1 diabetics - women, mothers, wives - who deal with the same daily day-to-day crap. Everything out there is for older people, or parents of children who have diabetes, or Type 2 - and don't EVEN get me started on that situation. That's a whole bucket of ranting that I will save for another day.

Sorry if you read this far, and this brought you done, but it's something that I had to get off of my chest and I do feel a smidgen better now. So if you read all the way to here - thank you! I mean that sincerely. For over 30 years I have wanted to rant and complain and quite frankly, bitch about this stupid disease and I just have never done it. Until today.

I hope you all have a great Easter weekend with your friends, family, loved ones!